Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
