I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
