This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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