Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She even gives head with a lisp.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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