return my video game
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
