He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
