My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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