If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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