Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can't turn off my feet"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
