So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
