You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
