Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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