the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
