were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize