mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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