I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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