dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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