So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
