You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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