That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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