Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
