I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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