very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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