The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
