Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
