Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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