we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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