This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i think i have two assholes
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
