Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize