so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
