Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
