we're chasing vodka with high fives
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
