She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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