Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I wear drunk well.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
