Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
