Redeem this text for a blowjob
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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