im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
