Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
