And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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