I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
