i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
