my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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