i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
