Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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