This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My ass is underappreciated
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
