I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So much Jack, so little girl.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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