The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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