So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
