They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
