Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize