But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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