her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Still dying that you shit outside
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
