Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
