please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
