Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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