the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
