tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
