tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
