brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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