i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
