what if every blade of grass was a penis?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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