you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I will be naked everywhere
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
