cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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