This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
