She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
