If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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