I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
