I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
