If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
