Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
