The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
