he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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