I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
