She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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