I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
me + whiskey = a bad person
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
