puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
