Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
