the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize