My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
