I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
