just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize