Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
