I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
