i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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