I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
