Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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