ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
