phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
