Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize