kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
