I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize