Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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