You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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