i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
