I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
