i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So much Jack, so little girl.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
