In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
