good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
