You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
